In Old Mexico
by SharanMcQuack
Summary: While visiting Mexico, Mr. McDuck gets kidnapped by bandits...almost...


**In Old Mexico**

By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.

Believe it or not, I got this idea from an issue of Superman* where a "stupid pilot" crashes Lois in the middle of no place because he forgot to fuel up the plane.

I wouldn't put it past Lois to have hired him to fly her there so she could interview the bandits. Totally expecting Supes to rescue her if something went wrong. Lois always was much more of a reckless fool than my Launchpad ever was.

And I've read enough "Lois Lane" comic books to say so. (How many kids out there didn't know that Lois used to have her own comic book? One million? Two million?)

(*Superman, May 1971 #237, which I readin DC Comics Classics Library, "Superman- Kryptonite Nevermore".

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Launchpad had flown Mr. McDuck south of the border, to an undeveloped area of Mexico Mr. McDuck was considering buying and developing.

"I may build a resort hotel here." Mr. McDuck said.

"This have anything to do with that Mexican Duck whose been challenging your title as World Richest Duck lately? He's made his money in hotels and resorts." Launchpad asked.

"How do YOU know about that?" Mr. McDuck asked.

"I can read newspapers!" Launchpad replied.

"Hmpfh. I need to examine the area thoroughly." Mr. McDuck said.

"You sure that's a good idea? It's pretty overgrown. Anything could be here." Launchpad said.

"That's why I need to examine the area! If there's anything here that will prevent me from building a resort, I need to know about it BEFORE I buy the land!" Mr. McDuck replied.

Then, it happened. Some Mexican bandits were hiding in the area, fleeing the Mexican police. The crooks had given the law the slip by running into the undeveloped area. The law had chased them further and further out, and then gave up. They had reached the edge of their jurisdiction.

"If they come back, we can catch them or chase them again. If they don't come back, small loss." the cops said.

The bandits did not realize the cops had stopped chasing them. The guilty flee where no man pursues. But they could not hide out in the middle of no place forever. They needed food, shelter.

Then they saw Launchpad and Mr. McDuck. And they recognized Mr. McDuck. Bandits can read newpapers, too- even if they have to spell out the words.

"Well, well. Looks like we have ourselves a hostage and a kidnapped victim." the bandits said.

There were six bandits, heavily armed with guns and knifes. And Launchpad and Mr. McDuck had no weapons. Launchpad's not stupid; he surrendered for now- but kept his eyes open for an opportunity to do something.

"I"m nobody's kidnap victim! This cane of mine has a panic button on it! One more step and I press the button and summon the cops!" Mr. McDuck screamed.

"If that were true, senor, you would have pushed it already- and said nothing until the police were here." Boss Bandit.

(Rule of thumb: "people" are usually at least a little smarter than you think they are.)

And he grabbed the cane and broke it, just to be on the safe side.

"You'll collect nothing! I have a policy of never paying ransom!" Mr. McDuck thundered.

"Boss...maybe you shouldn't be telling them that if you want to get out of this with all your feathers intact?" Launchpad whispered.

"As I said...I read the papers. You have been willing to pay ransom to get your nephews back when they were kidnapped. You were even willing to pay ransom for your housekeeper's kid, and she's not related to you! You expect me to believe your minions will not pay ransom to get you back? With the economy the way it is, people who know how to make money NOW are much too valuable!" Boss Bandit said.

Mr. McDuck bristled and Launchpad sensed a full-sized temper tantrum coming on.

"Boss, PLEASE, calm down! Just bind your time, now you're liable to get us BOTH killed if you keep this up!" Launchpad soothed.

"Listen to your cowardly friend! He speaks wisdom!" Boss Bandit said.

"I'm no coward. I just know how to pick my fights. And when. Six against two, armed to the teeth vs. no weapons isn't the time." Launchpad replied, trying not to bristle himself. (1)

The bandits started arguing about who to send the ransom note to and how much to ask for the safe return of Mr. McDuck and how to deliver the ransom note.

"HE can deliver the ransom note"- Boss Bandit said, indicating Launchpad- "whether he likes it or not! We will let him go with the note- he is nothing to us! And if the cops think he is "in" on the kidnapping, that's HIS problem!"

Meanwhile, a troop of hungry army ants were hunting for food. Sensing something alive ahead, they headed towards it. Army ants will eat anything and anybody that stands in their way. (2)Soon, the army ants had their intended food (Mr. McDuck, Launchpad and the bandits) surrounded. Nobody saw the tiny creatures until they were surrounded by them.

AH Ye! Army ants! I have seen them eat whole villages and leave nothing behide but bones! We're doomed!" Boss Bandit said.

"Maybe not. How's about a truce? I can fly all of us to safety in my plane. But you have to leave all your weapons- all of them- right here. Or I'm not flying you anyplace." Launchpad suggested.

"And if we take your plane and fly ourselves out of here, senor?" Boss Bandit asked.

"You guys know how to fly a plane?" Launchpad asked.

They admitted they did not.

"WHY does everybody think flying a plane is easy? If you try to fly a plane without knowing how, you're going to end up very dead! I can fly us to safety-all of us!" Launchpad said." But I insist you leave ALL your weapons here- or I'm not flying anybody anyplace. I'd rather take my chances with the ants!"

"What if we put a gun to your head instead?" Boss Bandit asked Launchpad.

"It's a small plane. Eight people is about the limit it can fly safely. Try to bring those heavy rifles and knifes, too and either the plane won't take off- or it won't get very far." Launchpad replied.

The boss bandit considered arguing further but the ants were getting closer and closer. Finally, he put all his guns and knifes down -or so he said- and ordered his men to do likewise.

"We have no time to debate with the stubborn gringo." he said.

So keeping a close eye on Mr. McDuck and Launchpad, the bandits boarded the plane. The bandits expected Launchpad or Mr. McDuck to try something against them. And indeed, Mr. McDuck "accidently" hit Boss Bandit with the plane's door. Then Mr. McDuck kicked one of the other bandit's. Boss Bandit drew a knife, as did kicked bandit. So did the other four bandits.

Launchpad pushed four of the bandits into each other (he's fast for a big guy) and the bandits hurt each other with their knifes...but not too badly. Mr. McDuck pushed the other bandits into each other. This got the bandits mad.

"ENOUGH! The ants are almost upon us! Stop this, or I will leave you to the ants! I can always CLAIM to be holding you to collect the ransom!" Boss Bandit screamed. "This time, I will open the door! No more trying to escape!"

The bandits kept an even closer eye on Mr. McDuck, expecting them to try to attack again.

They did NOT expect Launchpad to "attack" Mr. McDuck. But when the bandits got into the plane, Launchpad pushed Mr. McDuck out of the plane- as far away from the approaching ants as possible.

Then Launchpad took off in his plane. As he took off, Launchpad pressed a button ejecting dry ice (frozen carbon dioxide) in a circle surrounding Mr. McDuck. The ants could not pass the dry ice, which is so cold it burns.

"Sorry for pushing you Mr. McDee! I'll be back before the dry ice "melts"! Just stay put and you'll be fine!" Launchpad screamed as his plane flew off.

Launchpad did not fly far. As soon as he passed a shallow lake, he shook and rolled the plane, until the bandits fell into the lake. Launchpad hadn't been flying very high, so the bandits were not hurt. They sputtered and found themselves up to water to their necks and they waded to shore.

"You guys needed a bath anyway!" Launchpad screamed.

But as the bandits approached the shore, they saw the army ants waiting at the water's edge. As long as the bandits stayed in the water, they were fine. They stayed in the water.

Launchpad flew back and landed right beside Mr. McDuck and helped him into his plane.

"I didn't hurt you, did I? I'm really sorry for pushing you like that, but it was all I could think of for the moment." Launchpad said.

"I'm fine, Launchpad. It's OK; I understand why you did that, it was quick thinking. " Mr. McDuck replied.

"Wish I could of thought of something else! I hated having to push you like that! I was afraid you'd think I was betraying you!" Launchpad said.

"Never mind. Better call the authorities on your radio. Those ants might give up waiting for the bandits to come ashore and come back here!" Mr. McDuck answered.

Launchpad did so...he also taxied the plane well out of the ants way (with both of them on board) just to be on the safe side. The Mexican police soon arrived, and used bug spray to kill the ants. They arrested the bandits and thanked Mr. McDuck and Launchpad for their assistance.

**The End.**

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(1) Thanks to DTfan from fanfiction for that suggestion. Still needs work. Any more ideas?

(2) At least the ones in comic books and cartoons can and do.


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